A Date For Lenny: Part 1
by S. Wilhelmina Feenster
Summary: Laverne and Shirley's weekend plans are ruined when Squiggy's cousin visits for the weekend and has to stay with the girls.


Laverne and Shirley Fan Fiction: A Date For Lenny

A Date For Lenny: Part 1

Written by: S.Wilhelmina Feenster a.k.a. Feenster Girl

Squiggy's cousin, inspired by Diane, the librarian

This story was also written specificly for Squeaky Land

Summary:

Laverne and Shirley's weekend plans are ruined when Squiggy's cousin visits for the weekend and has to stay with the girls.

Scene 1 [Laverne and Shirley's apartment, 1960]

Laverne and Shirley are sitting on the couch. Laverne is sipping her milk and pepsi while Shirley is staring into space. Rain is tapping on the window and the sidewalk outside. Laverne puts Boo Boo Kitty next to Shirley for comfort. 

Laverne:(standing up and going to the phone) Come on, Shirley. You've got to snap out of it. I can't help that it's raining.(she picks up the phone and calls Carmine) Hello, Carmine? Could you come over here? Shirley's not feelin' too good.(brief pause) You will? Okay, I'll see you, bye.(she hangs up the phone) Well, Carmine's coming over.(she sits back down on the couch next to Shirley) There has to be something that will snap you out of this.(thinks for a momment) I've got it!(She walks over to a stack of records sitting in the corner and grabs one, goes to the record player and puts it on.["Turn Me Loose" Plays])

Shirley:(mumbles) Fabian.

Laverne: Shirl, you're talkin'.

Shirley: Of course I'm talkin', Laverne. Where am I?

Laverne: Our apartment.

Shirley: That's what I was afraid of.(she begins to cry) Why am I, Shirley Feeney, stuck at home on a Saturday?

Laverne: Because it's raining.

Shirley: Rain. Natures way of saying...stay inside.

Laverne: Very well put there.

There was a knock at the door[Carmine's knock]

Laverne: I called Carmine while you where gone.

Shirley: Laverne, I didn't go nowhere.

Laverne: Your mind did.

Shirley: It did? How long?

Laverne: An hour.

She opened the door.

Carmine: Hi, Laverne. (he walked in the living room) Hi, Angel Face.

Shirley: Hello, Carmine.

They all sat down and listened to the rain hit the window until Laverne couldn't take it anymore.

Laverne: How about we all play a game?

Carmine: That sounds fun.

Laverne: What do you want to play?

Carmine: Monopoly?

Laverne: No, we're missing the money from when Lenny and Squiggy used it to pay their rent.

Shirley: How about we play charades?

Laverne: Yeah, I'll go first.

Shirley: But wait, we can't. There are only three of us.

Laverne: Who cares. You and Carmine against me.

Shirley: I think we all should play separately... to be fair.

Laverne: Fine, but I'll start.

They played for a while and began to grow tired of the game.

Laverne: I give up, shirl. Let's watch t.v.

Carmine: Yeah, I heard there's a great horror movie on tonight, "Two Zombies Without Brains."

Squiggy: Hell-o!

Lenny: Hi, girls.

Laverne: Hi, boys. We're getting ready to watch a movie so...

Lenny: Oh goodie!(Lenny jumps on the couch) Is it that new horror movie, "Two Zombies Without Brains?" 

Laverne: Yep.

Squiggy:(Still standing in the doorway clearing his throat) Lenny?

Lenny: Yes, Squigg? (thinks for a momment) Oh, uh, girls? Could Squiggy, uh...I think he should ask you.

Squiggy: Why me?

Lenny: She's your cousin.

Squiggy: Oh, yeah, right. (he walks over to Laverne and Shirley and puts his arms around them.) Laverne. Shirley. I got a letter today from my cousin Diana. She's coming here from somewhere in France. She needs someplace to sleep. We'd keep her in our place, but our tub's being used for Lenny and I's tomato growing buisness. She'll sleep anywhere. The floor, in the bath tub, under your bed, even under the kitchen table.

Laverne: You sound like you're describing a dog.

Squiggy: Well, she's not as good-looking as me.

Shirley: I don't know, Squiggy.

Squiggy: Please, Shirley? Just for a couple of days?

Shirley: Well, all right, but just for a couple of days. When's she coming? 

Squiggy: In two hours. Get everything ready and we'll pick her up from the airport. (to Lenny) How far a drive is it to France? 

Lenny: Probably a half hour.

They left

Scene 2 [The girl's apartment (2 hours later)]

The girls finish fixing up the apartment.

Shirley: Oh, why did it have to rain today? We could have been in Green Bay watching the Packers with Brad and Chad. But, no, we're going to be spending our weekend with Squiggy's cousin.

There is a knock at the door. Laverne answers. When she opens the door, a young girl stands with short dark brown hair, fair skin, medium height, wearing a red blouse with a frilly black skirt. She carried two suitcases.

Laverne: Hello, come in. So you're Squiggy's cousin.

Shirley: Hello, I'm Shirley Feeney. (she extended her hand to shake.)

Diana: (kisses her on both cheeks) Bonjour.

Laverne: I'm Laverne. What's your name?

Diana: (She looks at them) Quai?

Shirley: Laverne, I don't think she speaks any english.

Diana: Anglais?

Laverne: Did you understand her?

Diana: Parle-vous francais?

Laverne: Where's Squiggy?

Diana: Squiggy? Il est mon cousin d'Amerique.(Continues Speaking French

Scene 3 [The girl's apartment-the next morning] 

Laverne and Shirley walk out of the bedroom. Diana is in the kitchen fixing some Cresants with veinerschnitzel)

Diana: (smiling) Bonjour, les copines. Prendre le petit dejeuner, s'il vous plait.

Laverne: Did you get that, Shirl?

Shirley: I think that she wants us to eat breakfast.

Laverne: Well, why didn't she just say so?

They sat down to eat breakfast. Lenny and Squiggy walk through the door.

Squiggy: Hell-o! (looks over at Diana) Diana!

Diana: Andrew!

She ran across the room and kissed him on the cheek.

Squiggy: How do you like it here? Cozy?

Diana: I love it! Laverne and Shirley have made me feel at home here. As if I were still in France.

Squiggy: (sniffs the air) Is that veinerschnitzel I smell?

Diana: Yes.

Squiggy: Just like my mother used to make.

Shirley: (clears her throat) Squiggy, would you come over here, please?

Squiggy: What is it my turtle dove? Pardon me, Diana. (He walks over to Shirley and Laverne.) Yes?

Shirley: Why didn't you tell us she was bilingual?

Squiggy: How dare you call her that! I have you know woman, that she only dates refined gentlemen like Lenny and me. If she was bi-- whatever you said, then that would be for me to know, and for her to find out! (calmly) Come on, Lenny.

Diana sat down in a daze. Laverne opened the refrigerator forcefully and got out the milk. Shirley chewed on her right index finger.

Shirley: I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MAN! HE'S SO, SO, STUPID!! AND TO THINK WE'D DO A FAVOR FOR HIM! THAT MAKES ME SICK!(She turned around and saw Diana on the couch in a cheerful daze) Diana, why didn't you tell us you spoke english?

Diana: I'm sorry, but, France can be pretty dull, so I thought I'd have fun with the Americans. He,he,he!

Shirley: (in her own little daze) France, dull.

Laverne: Hey, Diana, how many languages do you speak?

Diana: Three. French, English, and German.

Laverne: I took spanish in school, but I flunked.

Diana: I was born in New Hampshire. I moved to Germany when I was 5 years old.

Laverne: So you are from the U.S. of A.?

Diana: Uh-huh.

Laverne: What do you do in France?

Diana: There's lots of things to do in France.

Laverne: Where do you work?

Diana: La Bibliotheque de Strasbourg, which means,The Strasbourg Library. I'm a librarian.

Shirley: We have a library here in Milwaukee. The Phister Memorial Library.

Diana: You know, I was thinking, what if I didn't go back to France?

Shirley: NOT go back to France? I want to go to France. I WILL go to France!

Laverne: There goes that balloon!

Diana: What about Lenny?

Laverne: What about him?

Diana: Well, is he single?

Shirley: What brought this on?

Diana: I was just thinking.

Shirley: Wait a minute. Is that why you were quiet and happy a minute ago?

Diana: Partly. I want to stay in America. After all, it was my first home.

Shirley: Tommy Rot! You want to stay here because you have a crush on Lenny!

Laverne: You want a date with Lenny?

Diana: Oh, yes, he's so cute.

Laverne: Shirley, are the boys doing anything tonight?

Shirley: I don't think so.

Laverne walks through the kitchen to the dumbwaiter and opens it.

Laverne: Hey Lenny! Squiggy!

Squiggy: What is it, Laverne?

Laverne: Would you boys come up here, please?

Squiggy: All right.

Laverne: (walking back) There. The hard part is done. Now, we wait.

TWO MINUTES LATER

Squiggy: Hello girls, what do you want?

Laverne: We would like to talk to Lenny. Go outside.

Squiggy: Why? Am I not good enough for you? Why do you call both of us down here? All you have to say is Squiggy, don't come. I'd understand.

Squiggy: Just wait outside,

Squiggy: NO, WOMAN! I'M SICK OF YOU ALWAYS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! ME, ANDREW SQUIGGMAN, IS GOING TO WAIT OUTSIDE!

Laverne: No, Squiggy, you can stay.

Squiggy: (looks at Shirley) That's the way it should have been.

Laverne: Are you boys doing anything tonight?

Squiggy: I have a date with a wild cheek-ar-roonie, Barbara Clark.

Lenny: I get to share her.

Laverne: How would you like to have your OWN date?

Lenny: Who?

Laverne: Diana.

Lenny: Diana? (looks at Squiggy) Squig?

Squiggy: Sure, why not.

Lenny: Diana, do you want to go with me? You don't have to if you don't want.

Diana: (smiling) I'd love to.

Lenny: Great! I'll pick you up at seven.

Shirley: Where are you boys going?

Lenny: Back to our apartment.

Shirley: No, I mean, for dinner.

Squiggy: The Chez Phister.

Shirley: (hysterical excitement) The Chez Phister! The Chez Phister!

Squiggy: Yeah, whatever. come on, len.

They left

Shirley: Let's get you ready.

Scene 4 [The Girl's Apartment-That Evening]

Laverne and Shirley spent all day getting Diana ready for her date with Lenny. Later that evening, Diana, still in the bedroom, was waiting for her big entrance. Laverne and Shirley hustle out of the bedroom and stand by the couch.

Okay, Diana, are you ready to step out?

Laverne: Wait! Let me get my camera! (she runs over to the window and grabs the camera off the couch.) Okay, I'm ready.

Diana walks out of the bedroom wearing a strapless sequined red gown with a red rose in her hair. Shirley starts sing the "Miss America Song." Laverne puts her hand over Shirley's mouth.

Shirley: I told you red was her color.

Laverne: I liked blue.

Diana: Do you think he'll like it?

Laverne: Lenny? He'll love it.

Diana: What about my shoes?

Shirley: What do you think, Laverne, flatsies or heels?

Laverne: How tall are you?

Shirley: Let's see... (stands beside Diana) ... she's about my height and I'm 5'4.

Laverne: Heels.

Diana: Je suis tres nerveux.

Shirley: Excuse me?

Diana: Oh, I'm sorry. When I'm nervous, I freak spench. A little joke there. (brief pause) That's mainly why I spoke french when I first met you. The last time I went on a date with an American boy, was when Squiggy made me go to Senior Prom with Hector Kestonbaum.

Laverne: Icky Hector? That was you?

Diana: Oui. Il est... I mean, he is very strange. I got nervous when he wanted to kiss me. I started singing, "Je Suis Joli," which is "I Feel Pretty" in french.

Shirley: I did not know that.

There is a knock at the door. Shirley takes Diana to the stairway and poses her alluringly. Laverne opens the door. Lenny stands at the door holding two roses and a corsage. He's wearing a light blue dinner jacket with dark blue pants and a yellow tie. Laverne takes his picture and Lenny gets blinded and stumbles down the stairs.

Lenny: (smiling) Hi.

Diana: Hi.

Lenny: Here's your corsage. (hands her the package) I'm sorry it's got dents. Squiggy sat on it in the truck.

Diana opens the package and takes out the corsage. Shirley helps her put it on.

Diana: It's beautiful.

Lenny: So are you.

Laverne took another picture.

Shirley: Well, you two better be going. Don't want to be late.

Diana: Goodbye. (Lenny went outside in the hall) Oh, and girls, merci beacoup.

Shirley: Por nada.

Diana left with Lenny.

Shirley: (sigh) Well, what do you want to do?

Laverne: We could watch Perry Mason. 

Scene 5 [The Chez Phister]

Lenny and Squiggy walked into the restaurant arm in arm with their dates, looked for a table, and sat patiently until the waiter arrived.

Waiter: May I take your order, Monsieur?

Squiggy: It's about time, geez. Yeah, I would like the lobster plate.

Barbara: Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have the same. (giggles)

Lenny: What do you want, Diana?

Diana: Je desire la salade et le rosbif.

Waiter: Oui, Mademoiselle. Tres bonne.

Lenny: I'll have the chicken.

Waiter: Anything to drink, Monsieur?

Lenny: Wine. A fresh one, please.

Later on the evening, Lenny and Diana decided to walk home while Squiggy used the truck for other purposes. Lenny and Diana approached the apartment building.

Lenny: I had a really goo time tonight.

Diana: Are you coming in?

Lenny: Oh, yeah.

Diana: I didn't have a good time.

Lenny: (disappointed look) Oh.

Diana: I had a great time.

Lenny: (smiling) You did? 

Diana: Let's go inside. It's cold out here.

They went inside of the apartment and sat on the couch next to together.

Diana: I guess Laverne and Shirley are in bed.

Lenny: Diana, could I ask you a personal question?

Diana: What is it?

Lenny: Well, Squiggy never told me your full name.

Diana: Diana Louise Debois Von Squiggman.

Lenny: That's pretty and long. I had a hard time with Kosnowski. I finally learned how to spell it in the eighth grade. It means "Help, there's hog in my kitchen!"

Diana: (laughs) "You're funny. That's what I like most about you. (she drew close to kiss him)

Suddenly, the door flew open. Laverne and another man were kissing passionately. He had Laverne pinned to the door. They moved closer and closer to the couch and almost landed on Lenny and Diana. Laverne pushed him toward the bedroom. They went in.

Lenny: I guess she wasn't asleep.

Diana: I hope this doesn't spoil our evening.

Lenny: Or our other evenings. I really like you Diana and I hope that you will go out with me again.

Diana: Oui.

Lenny: Was the a "Yes?"

Diana nodded. She leaned over and kissed him.

Lenny: I liked that.

Diana: So did I.

She kissed him again. Shirley came through the door in a fury. She opened up the closet, hung up her coat, and slammed the door shut.

Shirley: WHAT A JERK! TO THINK THAT I, SHIRLEY "WAIT TILL THE WEDDING NIGHT" FEENEY, VOE-DEE-OH-DOED ON THE FIRST DATE! OHHH!!! I'm going to bed. (she gets ready to go into the bedroom, but turns around) Hi, Lenny. Hi, Diana. How was your date?

Diana: I'm still on it.

Shirley: Right, silly me. I'm going to bed now, goodnight.

Diana: I'm sorry, we keep getting interrupted.

Shirley: (from the bedroom) LAVERNE, GET HIM OUT OF HERE! AHHHH!!! HE SMOTHERED BOO BOO KITTY!!

The man ran out of the bedroom. Laverne came out and kissed him goodnight.

Todd: I'll see you, Laverne.

Laverne: Bye, Todd.

He ran back to her and they kissed franticly. Shirley walked out of the bedroom with her arms folded.

Shirley: LAVERNE, IT'S ALMOST 2:00 IN THE MORNING!! WE HAVE WORK TOMORROW!!

Laverne: Bye, Todd. (he left) You're a sour-puss. (she stuck her tongue out at Shirley) Goodnight< Diana. Lenny.

Laverne stomped into the bedroom. Shirley followed in rage.

Diana: I think we should call our date offically over.

Lenny: Okay.

They got up and walked to the door.

Diana: Goodnight, Lenny. 

She put her arms around him and kissed him. The date was over.

[Go to A Date For Lenny Part 2][1]

[Back to L&S Fan Fiction!][2]

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   [1]: LSdateforlenny.htm
   [2]: LSfanfic.htm



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